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Hardcore's last will Discovered

This is hardcore's last will and testament, recently discovered by DJ Hixxy down the back of a speaker left ten years ago in Sussex.

26 May 2001

Happy Hardcore: the musical genre that's underground, be exactly six feet.

This is hardcore's last will and testament, recently discovered by DJ Hixxy down the back of a speaker left ten years ago in Sussex.

I, HAPPY HARDCORE, do make public and declare this to be my last will and testament. Take it down, this is the last one. I hereby revoke all former wills, covenants and expressions that "Hardcore will never die." Lets face it, that was tempting fate.

1) To my dear cousin TRANCE I bequeath the tradition of glowsticks and whistles. Let them be overcharged, over-used and overrated. I also bequeath to TRANCE and its children my novelty 'home-made' clothing.

2) To my dear friend HARD HOUSE I bequeath the rapid 'highlight' mixing technique and insanely high-pitched riffs. I wish for them to be used in abundance until people wish that the pills they bought really were Paracetamol.

3) To GARAGE I bequeath sloppily-produced, touch and go, quick buck bootlegs. This applies to any bastard offspring of garage such as SPEED GARAGE, UK GARAGE and BREAKBEAT GARAGE.

4)To US HOUSE I bequeath the dancefloor sing-a-long to lovey-dovey lyrics. Let the master volume knob be turned down resulting in a half-hearted dancefloor choir.

5) To the tacky bong shops and body piercers who have plagued me, I bequeath my psychedelic flyer pictures. May they inspire many murals.

6) May the DJs who have played my sound slowly turn their back on their past and start playing proper music, backing up their arguments with "they stopped playing me in '94".

7) May all my sad puns and joke DJ names be distributed freely among the bedroom DJs of the world, e.g., XTC, DJ STRAIGHT JACKET.

8) May all profits from black market jackets, record bags and 'Bonkers' compilations be shared with my cousins JUNGLE, TECH-STEP, and ACID TRANCE.

9) Although we have never seen eye to eye, may PROGRESSIVES inherit...no, fuck it. That bunch of chinstroking, cord-wearing saddos are getting nothing from me.

And finally...
10) In my absence I wish the words 'rave' and 'raver' to be used completely out of context by middlebrow papers when describing today's 'clubs' and 'clubbers'.

SIGNED, SEALED and DECLARED
(in a shouty high-pitched voice)

HAPPY HARDCORE